Lately, I’ve been rummaging. Sorting. Through the deep caverns that make up the complexity of my soul and mind. Often, the two – they have it out with each-other. They wrestle and grapple to make and enjoy peace at home, joy in the little things and lapse into a graceful stride. Stride and grace as a mother, stride and grace in my career(s). With a modicum of success.
So lately, I’ve been gently dissecting Pros & Cons lists under a heavy restraint of realism, burgeoning from my dreams. How exactly does that work? I’ll let you know when I have it figured out. In the meantime, it means making hard decisions, because a mother of young babies and toddlers simply cannot have multiple careers and live a happy life.
So. (cue the drum-roll)…
I have decided to close my Etsy shop until the fall. I have exciting new projects, that are fresh and willful and make me dive instinctually into my creative nether-regions. They span hours and feed mouths and pay bills. They forge community, dissect stereo-types and are starting to feel like some of the Most. Important. Work. I’ll. Ever. Do.
I still have a bevvy of shows for the summer season that I am committed to and stock to sell. Perhaps the coming of the autumn will bring a Clearance Sale! Or perhaps I will have mustered the know-how and ability on juggling 3 or more jobs. Perhaps there will be more time with Abby in daycare full-time, for me to even consider opening up all that running a successful Etsy shop is. The dream that I had, and not having the time to do it – is breaking my heart a little.
But the new dreams, the work that doesn’t burrow deep into my bank-account for it’s need for over-head is sating my desire to create. I am dreaming of more adult-like art projects, that are dark and sexy and raw and beat to the sound of a far-off, steady drum. My worlds so collide as a mother who wrires about being a mother, for a living – that it’s time to reclaim some art that has not one thing baby or toddler about it.
I am excited. I am conjuring and manifesting all the ways I can bloom on the platforms that have been so far destined to me. Writing for Babble and much more recently; Disney Baby are these things. They satisfy my creative Momma counter-part and I’m learning, slowly learning – the fine art that less is more. Giving less time to one thing gives more time to another. People have seen this gift (a talent for writing) and given it opportunity for fruition. I want to own that. I want to take it and hold it and caress it and nurture it as I would a hungry, thirsty seedling.
Horizons! Wide open spaces my friends!
I suppose, after all, that these ‘problems’ are rather bourgeois to have. After all, one is truly blessed when the most difficult decision to make career wise, is which creative stay at home career she is going to choose.
I’d love it if you came over and visited me over on Disney Baby this week, I’ve barely published my first two articles. Squee! The first being an introduction, pictorial style.
I kept it personal with my second and the rest? Like I said. Wide open spaces in a community that I believe in and one that believes in me.
This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ve joined the Disney Baby blogging team this month, and look forward to sharing more of these kinds of stories (projects/ideas/etc) with you over there! Happy reading!